i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Randomize
