Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I could fuck to npr.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
