Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
