you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
