Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
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