WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Randomize
