my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
