That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
