How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
