i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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