question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
