You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
