I'm really into asian looking animals
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
