I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Randomize
