Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
is wine microwaveable?
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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