I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
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