How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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