I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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