it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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