while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
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