Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
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Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
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If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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