so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
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