before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
