if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
