Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
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I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
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I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
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