im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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