If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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