I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
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I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
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