I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I am spending my child support on dildos
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Randomize
