I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
