1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
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