Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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