I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Randomize
