Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
