ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize
