You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
The beers last night were like the tears from god
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
