Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize