I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
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