I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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