so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
