ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
