Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
