I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
