I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Randomize
