I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize