Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
