Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Randomize
