Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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