mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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