I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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