I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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