so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
