Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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