I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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