everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
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