Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
