Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
