I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
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