My friends, they love my intelligence
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
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