She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
