her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
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I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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