I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Randomize
