I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
