You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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