I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
