omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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