never play flip cup with pint glasses
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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