Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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