I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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