trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
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