I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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