You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
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By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
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I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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