i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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